5 Tools to Manage Your Emotions

Something equally wonderfully and frustrating that makes us uniquely human is our ability to feel emotions.

However, a lot of the time, it can feel like our emotions are sitting in the drivers seat controlling us and we’re just there along for a wild ride.

And whilst it is pretty much ingrained in our culture and our belief system that some emotions are good whilst others are inherently bad, the truth is our emotions are simply little messages containing valuable information.

Why Is Managing Our Emotions Important?

If you let your emotions dictate your responses then you’re going to invite a lot of chaos into your life. When our emotions take over we react from unconscious patterns as opposed to responding from a place of compassion and insight. Think about the last time you exploded with rage. Or snapped at your partner. Or shut yourself away. Do you remember thinking at the time that to be the most positive response for you and others?

Only when we are able to understand our emotions, are we able to respond wisely and kindly.

How Can We Better Manage Our Emotions?

Breathing

When you are experiencing an unpleasant emotion be it stress, anxiety, anger or fear, your body enters what we call the sympathetic nervous system - the fight, flight or freeze response. When you’re in this survival state, it’s hard to process what you are thinking or feeling because it’s not really a necessary function when being chased by a tiger! However, when the emotion has been triggered by a look from your boss, or an incoming email, this can create problems. Simple breathing techniques such as square breathing or extending the length of the exhale, can help shift the body into the parasympathetic nervous system, the rest and digest state which allows the body to heal and restore balance.

Sensory Grounding

When you’re feeling highly aroused through a difficult emotion, chances are your mind is time travelling to the past and future. It can feel hard to stay centred and present, Tuning into the five senses is a simple tool the helps take you out of the thinking mind and back into the body once again creating that all important shift from the sympathetic to parasympathetic. A practice that I share with my clients is to name from your surroundings:

• 5 things you can see

• 4 things you can touch

• 3 things you can hear

• 2 things you can smell

• 1 thing you can taste

Meditation

Meditation works on so many levels as a tool to manage emotions. It helps to lower your resting heart rate but perhaps even more importantly, is it creates an awareness around your thoughts and feelings. It teaches you that just because you think something doesn’t mean that it is true or relevant. And over time, it creates that all important pause from which you can make a conscious decision about how you want to respond in that moment, as one of my all time favourite quotes says:

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”.

Viktor E. Frankl.

Mindfulness Activities

If meditation isn’t your thing, there are many ways to reap the benefits of a mindful practice, from colouring, to sewing, gardening to walking, tai chi to yoga. Practices like these, when done mindfully, have a soothing and calming effect on the mind and body. The heart rate lowers and the space between your thoughts extends. It also gives you space to reflect and view the problem from a different perspective.

Reframing Your Thoughts

Negative thoughts create negative emotions which in turn create more negative thoughts in a vicious cycle. Break the cycle by challenging your negative thoughts and replacing them with more compassionate thoughts to help shift your emotional state. You can challenge your thoughts by asking questions like: Is there any evidence that supports this? Are there times when this thought is not true? Will this matter a day/week/month/year from now?

Think about one thing that you will take away from this read that you can incorporate into your day to day life to help you effectively manage your emotions. As always, it’s important to remember that you don’t have to do this alone. If you’re struggling to down regulate or self soothe you might find it helpful to reach out to a therapist for support. If you would like to explore how we can work together to reduce anxiety and bolster self esteem, book in for a complementary discovery call today.

Much love
Alexandra x