Be Your Own Cheerleader

Our sense of self esteem and worth is placed upon pretty shaky ground if we rely upon external validation to bolster us.

A negative comment from your friend, a look from your partner, simple feedback from a colleague, less likes on a photo can all leave a person feeling pretty worthless.

These practices are all about learning how to become your own biggest cheerleader so that nothing and no-one can knock you down.

Affirm Yourself

Every thought you have is, in a sense, an affirmation. If your internal dialogue consists of negative tracks, then that is what you are affirming. Start to write down all the judgemental and cruel things that you say to yourself or about yourself. For each statement, create an authentic affirmation that builds you up. For instance if you think “I’m unloveable” you might say, “it’s okay if not everyone loves me, I have lots of people who love me just the way I am”. Whenever you notice the unhelpful, limiting thoughts surfacing, practice replacing it with your new affirmation by repeating it 5-10 times.

Talk to Yourself Like Your Best Friend

When we make mistakes, rather than accepting this as part of being human, an inevitable learning curve, we tend to berate ourselves by saying cruel and unkind things. Next time you ‘mess up’, imagine what you would say to your friend in a similar situation? Even better, write it down and the read it out loud to yourself. When you talk to yourself in a supportive and compassionate way, it helps you to believe that you are worthy of love and respect.

Empower Your Past

Because humans have what we call a negativity bias and because we remember events with more emotional charge, when we look back into the past, we often do so through a negative filter. We use past experiences as evidence to justify just how unworthy or unloveable we are. Instead of allowing the past to influence the present and future in a negative way, allow it to encourage you to see how far you have come, all the challenges that you have navigated and all that you have achieved.

Reframe Comparison

We all know that comparison is the thief of all joy, but it’s also a very human trait. We are hardwired for comparison, it seems to happen to us rather than be our choice. The good news is that we get to choose how we are going to let it affect us. If we don't want to be negatively ruled by comparison, we need to stay aware enough to know when it's happening and what emotions it's driving. Remember, everyone’s journey is different and that’s what makes life exciting.

Know Your Qualities

Create a list that acknowledges all the wonderful traits and quirks that make you who you are. Are you funny? Practical? Creative? Empathetic? Nothing is too insignificant to include on the list. If you find this a hard practice, you’re definitely not alone. Think about any compliments you received in the past, or ask friends and family to help you get started. Once you understand your qualities you’re more able to appreciate the person that you are. Cultivate time each day to read through your list and be proud of who you are.

Find the Shades of Grey

Criticism is a part of life that we all experience. Instead of negatively viewing it as something that condemns you, see it as constructive and an opportunity for you to grow. Next time you receive some criticism, accept the feedback, take it on board, but tune into the positives too. Nothing is entirely bad or good, there is always shades of grey in between. What aspects of it can you celebrate? What did go well? What are you ignoring in order to focus on the negative.

Celebrate Your Wins

We often dwell on areas we perceive we are not good at and discredit things that we do do well. We call this a lack mindset. A credit list helps you to shift into a positive, abundant mindset by focusing on all the things you do amazingly well. Every day note down 3-5 things you have accomplished or feel proud of - it’s a bit like giving yourself a pat on the back for being you and showing up that day. This could be unloading the dishwasher to having a difficult conversation. Nothing is too small to be acknowledged. In fact that's the point, to try and note all the mini wins.

Are you ready to go and be your own biggest cheerleader? Give me a Y-E-S!! (sorry, had to be done!)

Much love
Alexandra