Getting Intimate with the Inner Critic
Now as frustrating as the Inner Critic is, it's job, essentially, is to protect you, to ensure that you're okay. The goal of the inner critic is to help you avoid disapproval, shame, humiliation by criticising you first so that you don't experience the hurt from someone else judging you. It helps you to feel in control of a situation.
The bad news is, the Inner Critic isn't going away, it's a part of you and it does serve a purpose. The good news is, you can learn to use the inner critic to your advantage. You can use it to understand what the fear that lies underneath is and how best to move forward.
Remember, the Inner Critic may sound authoritative, but really it is the emotional age of when it first showed of (which for most people is before the age of 7 or 8). So be mature, listen to what the Inner Critic is saying, thank it for it's advice and attempting to take care of you and then take inspired action from a place of wisdom.
If you haven't completed the workbook yet, I encourage you to do so before continuing with the exercise below.
Getting Intimate with the Critic
Step 1: First things first, you need to be aware of when the critic shows up. Be curious about the situations in which it most often shows up in. Notice the language and types of phrases the critic tends to use.
Whilst you are exploring this first step, remember to do so in the energy of compassion, without judging but rather observing from a place of curiosity. Remember, the Inner Critic is just a part of you, it's not YOU.
Step 2: Recognise your Inner Critic as a scared child seeking a need, whether it be love, approval, safety, security, stability or something else. Show this part of yourself kindness and compassion. Talk to this part of you as if you were soothing a small child or a younger version of yourself.
Step 3: Acknowledge the truths in the Critic's statement without getting caught up in fear based narratives. What useful information can you discern from this part of you?
Step 4: Uncover the critic's purpose. You might ask it:
What are you trying to accomplish?
What do you want from me?
What do you want for me?
What are you afraid might happen if I don’t listen to you?
What would make it easier for you?
What would make you feel safer?
Step 5: Consider other perspectives. How might the critic be presenting distorted information? What does your inner cheerleader say?
Step 6: Thank the Inner Critic for looking out for you. Express to the Critic that you can handle this and commit to responding from a place of wisdom.
Good luck!
Catching the inner critic itself is often the hardest part of this exercise. We are so accustomed to it's voice we don't even think to question where it is coming from. If you are struggling to distinguish the nasty voice, reach out for a free 30 minute discovery call to see how I can support you.
Much love
Alexandra xx
