The Myth of Worth
Someone recently shared a post on their Instagram stories that has really stayed with me.
“A bottle of water in the supermarket is worth about £1.50. Another supermarket charges £1.99. The same bottle in a local bar costs £2.50. At an airport or on the plane, you may be charged up to £3. In a good restaurant or hotel, it can be worth £4, maybe more.
I love this, because it is such a simple way to explore the complex concept of self-worth. Who you are and your innate value, just like the bottle of water, does not change. But your perceptions of the world, the people you surround yourself with and your environment can all impact the way you feel about yourself.
But what do we mean by Self-Worth and where does it come from? Check out this week's blog to find out more and don't forget to scroll down for the Self-Worth Quiz.
What is Self Worth?
Self-worth is simply defined as the level of importance you place on yourself.
Having a sense of self-worth means that you value yourself. Self-worth is at the core of our very selves—our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours are intimately tied into how we view our worthiness and value as human beings. It determines the way we see ourselves. Perhaps at a deeper level it indicates how deserving you feel of success, happiness, joy, respect love. And the way that you feel about yourself impacts everything you do.
What Self Worth is Not!
Unfortunately, the concept of Self-Worth has become enmeshed in external factors that lead to many people feeling like they are not good enough. Your Self-Worth is not determined by:
Your to-do list: Society wears busyness like a badge of honour. But whilst achieving goals is a great thing, and crossing items of your to-do list can feel wonderful, it doesn’t have a direct relationship with your worth as a human;
Your job: It doesn’t matter what you do. What matters is that you do it well and that it fulfils you;
The money (or lack thereof) in the bank. Yes money can buy you nice things, but it has no direct bearing on who you are or your value as a person. Think about how someone with little to no money can be happy and content, whilst the richest of rich can still feel something is lacking or as if they are not enough;
Your social media following: It also doesn’t matter how many people think you are worthy of a follow or a retweet. Other people's opinions have no impact on our innate value.
Your age: You aren’t too young or too old for anything. Your age is simply a number and does not factor into your value as a human being;
Other people: It doesn’t matter one iota what other people think or what other people have done or accomplished. How you feel about yourself is far more important than what others are thinking, saying, or doing. Plus, you never really know what someone else is truly thinking and most likely they are thinking about themselves so don't let it impact how you feel about yourself;
How far you can run or your ability to touch your toes: Whether you enjoy running, boxing, spin classes, HIIT, yoga or none of the above, it doesn't matter. What you can or can't do in the realm of exercise has no bearing on you as a wonderful human.
Your grades: We all have different strengths and weaknesses, and some of us are simply not cut out for class. Unfortunately school can be a little too geared towards celebrating academic success and ignoring the rest. This has no bearing on our value as people, and a straight-A student is just as valuable and worthy as a straight-F student or a dropout;
The number of friends you have: Your value as a human has absolutely nothing to do with how many friends or connections you have. The quality of your relationships is what’s really important;
Your relationship status: Whether flying solo, casually dating, or in a committed relationship, your value is exactly the same—your relationship status doesn’t alter your worth;
Your likes: It doesn’t matter if you have “good taste” or not. It doesn't matter if your friends or strangers think you’re sophisticated, or if you have an eye for the finer things. Your worth is the same either way.
Anything or anyone but yourself: Here we get to the heart of the matter—you are the only one who determines your self-worth. If you believe you are worthy and valuable, you are worthy and valuable. Even if you don’t believe you are worthy and valuable, guess what—you still are worthy and valuable!
Benefits of Positive Self Worth
People with high self-worth carry with them a sense of confidence that they will be all right and manage whatever comes their way. While they are aware of areas in which they can improve, they don’t let their shortcomings define their identity. They are not afraid to pursue opportunities and have reasonable faith in their ability to deliver.
Self-worth also plays an important role in relationship dynamics. For example, if someone is treated poorly, their self-worth will likely have a large impact on their interpretation of the event—someone with low self-worth may blame themselves, whereas a person with healthy self-worth may not consider themselves deserving of mistreatment.
Therefore, having positive self-worth can help people set boundaries around how they are treated by others. Though it sounds counterintuitive, respecting themselves can help them gain the respect of others.
Potential Pitfalls of Low Self Worth
Low self-worth is characterised by a negative view of oneself and a lack of trust in one’s abilities. As a result, there is a perpetual fear of failure, difficulty accepting positive comments, and a disproportionate focus on weaknesses.
Because there is a strong tendency to devalue oneself, there is also a tendency to elevate others, in an effort to compensate. Someone with low self-worth may therefore minimize their needs, allow their boundaries to be infringed, go out of their way to please others, and be unable to stand up for themselves.
Low self-worth is highly correlated with depression and anxiety. As a result, people may experience symptoms like low mood, irritability, anxiety, fatigue, changes in weight, sleep difficulties, and inability to concentrate.
Take the Self-Worth Quiz
Curious to know how your self-worth impacts you? I’ve designed a quiz to help you understand how you value yourself with appropriate practical exercises you can do to help bolster your sense of self worth.
Love as always,
Alexandra
