The Silent Plague: Loneliness
Loneliness is something we all may experience at some point in our lives. For many, it’s a feeling that only lasts a moment and in certain situations. Others, however, may feel lonely all or most of the time. In fact a survey conducted by the charity Campaign to End Loneliness in 2017 found that over nine million people in the UK say they occasionally experience loneliness. That’s a fifth of the population. Two thirds of the population said they wouldn’t feel comfortable admitting it if they were. In November 2019 2.6 million people in the UK say always or most of the time feel lonely. Whereas today that figure has risen to 4.2 million. Reports show that UK is the loneliest country in Europe.
Whilst many of us believe that loneliness is an issue impacting the elderly only, this is far from the case. Younger adults report experiencing loneliness more often. A recent study showed that acute loneliness was particularly high among the young - with 12 per cent of 16 to 29 year olds reporting they were often or always lonely compared to 8 per cent of 30 to 59 year olds and 4 per cent of the over 60s. Another survey conducted by UK charity The Mental Health Foundation, showed that 18-24-year olds were the most affected group with 44% of people saying they felt lonely due to the pandemic this year.
Loneliness has been a side effect of Covid-19. Ironically, those feeling lonely are far from alone. Combined with months of social distancing and the legacy of the first lengthy lockdown, more people are experiencing loneliness within the UK.
COVID-19 has exacerbated feelings of loneliness by physically isolating us from the people and things that bring us comfort. We can’t hug the people we want to, or feel the warmth of a chat with a shop worker, or have a laugh in the work kitchen like we used to. There’s grandparents missing their grandchildren, friends missing hugs, and a million other big and small acts of connection that we’re going without.
Social interaction is a part of life and its human nature to crave companionship and compassion. It is known that connectedness does not only make our lives interesting, but it is important for our own survival. While a lot of us have taken to Zoom quizzes and family FaceTimes with aplomb, it’s safe to say that these aren’t quite the same as an IRL encounter. And although social media plays a large role as a way of keeping in contact, many of us still miss the joy of in-person connection. Connecting face to face with a hug or a smile releases the hormone oxytocin, which makes us feel pleasantly happy, and while the same can happen through a picture or an online call, it's not as powerful.
The important lesson to takeaway is that whatever your circumstances, loneliness is not necessarily a given. It is a feeling of lacking, or perhaps loss of, companionship. Just like you would not be “isolated” in a crowded room, but you could certainly feel lonely.
So what can we do to feel more connected and less alone.
1) Technology
This might come across as a surprise as many people will be against others spending a long period of time on their mobile phones or laptops whilst being alone. But it is all about how you utilise your mobile phone! This does not mean spending hours scrolling endlessly on your Instagram or watching YouTube videos back to back that have no meaning. You want to take advantage of the things your mobile phone can offer. There are millions of apps you can download falling under different categories. If you enjoy reading or listening to audiobooks, there is an app for that. If you want to learn a new skill, there is an app for that. If you want to learn a new language, there is an app for that. If you want to catch up with a group of friends and play a game, there is an app for that. If you want to connect with like-minded people (in industry, for dating etc), there is an app for that. Now it is easier than ever to do what you’ve always wanted to do through your mobile phone, there is a world and a wealth of knowledge at your finger tips. So take advantage and go for it!
Online connection can be a vital way to keep relationships healthy and strong. Whether it’s phoning, or video calling, knowing that the people you love and care for are still as much a part of your life now you can’t see them is so important.
2) Communication
Some people may be more affected by lockdown than others such as those whose living situation is already isolating because of physical or mental health conditions, or those without access to the internet or knowledge of the digital communication platforms available. New communication technologies provide opportunities to be social during the COVID-19 pandemic, however, we still need to connect using more accessible methods like a telephone call, or simply smiling or waving to someone you see out and about, to enhance connection with people who may be feeling lonely or isolated without these newer methods.
Psychologists are recommending that you try to avoid texting friends and family and instead opt for different forms of communication while you are self-isolating. This includes voice notes and video calls. Video calls are as close as you can get to face to face interaction. If you find yourself lonely, video call a friend or family member. Seeing their facial expressions and reading their body language will help you feel like you’re not alone in your home. There is also the possibility of having Thursday night drinks online, or watching a movie synchronised with friends.
3) Find your community
Now is the perfect time to identify your community. By this I mean, think about what your passion is and I can guarantee you, that you will find an online community for it. Explore different platforms and find support groups and online communities that fulfil your needs and interests. It is the perfect opportunity to meet like-minded people and allows you to be your true authentic and vulnerable self. You will begin to build your own safe space online, allowing you to escape from your home to a space filled with interesting people.
4) Keep yourself occupied
It is important that you fill the time you have while you are self-isolating, keeping yourself occupied. With so much time on your hands, you can find yourself overthinking leading to you feeling anxious and lonely. Keeping yourself occupied can simply mean tidying up your room, learning a new recipe, working on a business idea, thinking of how you can add value to your employers or even picking up that book you’ve wanted to read for some time. It is also important to have some downtime, you can keep yourself occupied by watching a series on an online streaming platform or listening to an audiobook. Podcasts are also highly recommended as it gives the feeling you are surrounded by others in the room. This will stop you from feeling lonely as you will have distractions all around you.
5) Stay active
Exercise is a great way to feel connected with people whether you’re going solo to the gym or joining a high energy soul cycle class, you’ll feel like you’re part of something bigger. Plus, moving the body releases endorphins and other such chemicals that make us feel good.
And if you don’t want to join a gym then simply going for a walk around your neighbourhood, or a green area to give yourself time to relax and take in the scenery around you is going to make you feel connected.
6) Perform anonymous acts of kindness
Sometimes when you feel alone, you might feel like isolating yourself from the world completely and this will only continue the cycle of loneliness. What can help is to offer an act of kindness in these troubled times. By helping other in turn, you are helping yourself by staying connected and feeling less isolated.
Research on the effect that doing good for others has on us shows that it:
promotes physiological changes in the brain linked with happiness
can improves our support networks, which can improve our self-esteem
creates a sense of belonging and reduces isolation, through volunteering or making news friends by helping out in your community
helps keep things in perspective, and give you a more positive outlook of your own life
helps make the world a happier place, as it may encourage others to pass on a good dead
We’ve seen the viral videos of acts of connection and kindness during this strange time from around the world: Italian communities all singing together, a Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers film being projected onto the side of an apartment building where we can see a couple dancing in their kitchen, musicians streaming themselves singing, pub owners donating their hotel rooms to the homeless or self-isolating, people going on dates while distancing. But not every act of kindness needs to go viral, nor does it need to be extravagant.
7) Create something
Sketch. Paint. Knit. Anything to get your creative juices flowing. These activities can elevate and transcend our negative emotional experiences through self-expression.
8) Check your social media usage
While the jury is still out on whether or not the rise of social media is driving loneliness and depression, it doesn't hurt to revaluate the influence it has on your life. Ask yourself these questions
Are you using it to make meaningful connections?
Are you spending too much time on it?
Is it causing you to withdraw in unhelpful ways?
If it is to connect meaningfully then that’s great but if you are on social media comparing your life with someone else’s then that’s not great and may leave you feeling dissatisfied with your life which may cause you to retreat into an even lonelier place than before.
9) Just talk!
If you’re lonely, just acknowledging that fact to your friends and family can start to take the weight off the feeling. A problem shared is a problem halved. And chances are you’ll find that other people are experiencing or have experienced something similar and can offer you the support you need - even if that’s just a hug or regular check in. And never be afraid to seek out professional support.
10) Taking time for yourself
Rather than view this time as enforced separation from the world, by shifting your perspective it can become a great opportunity for self-reflection, growth and learning. Psychologists believe that adjusting your mindset is one of the most powerful ways someone can combat their feelings of loneliness. Remembering that this is temporary, that it will pass, is part of adjusting that mindset. So this means accepting events are beyond our control and knowing that being away from the people and things we love is only temporary. Right now you might live alone. And right now you have no choice. So you can either scream all day long or make the most of it. And in our busy lives many of us have actually longed for the time to read books, watch a tv series, study a language or an instrument. This wealth of time is exactly what a lot of us have now.
11) Volunteering
Now more than ever, local charities need people to chip in and support the vulnerable or less fortunate in their communities. Whether it’s official, or just asking a neighbour who can’t get to the shops if they need anything, going out of your way to help can make both you and the person you’re helping feel worthwhile.
12) Reduce Negative Consumption
Limit your exposure to distressing news. Reading too many sources, and falling prey to fake news can increase anxiety. Think critically about any articles you read and separate opinion from fact. Try to check these just once or twice a day, with the aim of staying informed.
It’s not just you
Remember, no one is exempt from feeling lonely at times. All of us, at some point or other during this coronavirus pandemic, will feel cut off from our loved ones. However, some of us will have greater access to technology than others, or more social connections.
By caring for each other, checking in on people who are more isolated, or even volunteering for a helpline, we can help prevent a loneliness epidemic.
Until next time
Alexandra x
