What Is Self Esteem?
“To love oneself is the beginning of a life long romance”
―Oscar Wilde
Self esteem is something we all have. It impacts virtually every aspect of our life from how we behave, to the decisions we make, the relationships we have and the way we treat ourselves. Self esteem influences our perceived levels of competence and our willingness to move outside our comfort zone and take on new challenges. It affects your thinking, your confidence and ultimately your chance for happiness.
But why is it that some people have, or appear to have, very high levels of self-esteem whilst others have little to none? This post looks at what self esteem is, where it comes from and what can we do about it?
What is self-esteem?
We can think about self-esteem as the term used to describe how we think and feel about ourselves, how we evaluate our sense of self-worth and personal value. To put it another way, self esteem considers how much you like yourself regardless of the circumstances you find yourself in.
A person who has healthy self esteem is able to honestly and realistically assess their strengths and weaknesses, maintain positive relationships and boundaries, as well as avoid dwelling on negative past experiences. Having healthy self esteem means that you don’t rely upon someone else’s feedback to validate your self worth - you are your biggest cheerleader!
Low self esteem, on the other hand, plays into our ability to deal with the inevitable ups and downs of life. Life can feel overwhelming from your overly negative perspective. You feel insecure, like an imposter in your own life and get the sense that everyone else is better than you at, well, everything. As such, you become highly sensitive to feedback and criticism.
What can cause low self-esteem?
Self-esteem will naturally fluctuate from time to time with varying experiences and circumstance. Your self-esteem is not a static trait, nor is it the same across all aspects of your life. For example, you may have high esteem in your professional life but low esteem in your romantic relationships. And this is totally normal!
But we’ll usually have overall positive feelings towards ourselves and can see our behaviour, relationships, successes and failures as all part of the overall context of our lives. Problems occur when we lose this sense of perspective and view our selves in a heavily negative and critical way.
Low self esteem often arises in childhood but it can develop later on in life through various difficult or stressful life experiences, such as:
being bullied or abused
experiencing prejudice, discrimination or stigma
losing your job or difficulty finding employment
problems at work or while studying
ongoing stress
physical health problems
mental health problems / negative thought patterns
relationship problems, separation or divorce
worries about your appearance and body image
problems with money or housing
How to Improve Self Esteem
Become aware of negative thoughts that you have about yourself, your abilities, your worth
Challenge the negative thoughts and counter them with more realistic, compassionate, positive ones
Journalling is a great way to cultivate awareness of your internal dialogue as well as your interactions with other people
Create affirmations and repeat them 5x in the morning, 5x at lunch and 5x in the evening
Meditate regularly
Volunteer
Connect with friends and family
Take this SELF ESTEEM QUIZ to see where you stand when it comes to your own self-esteem.
If you need any support in building your self esteem, get in touch for a free discovery call.
Much love
Alexandra xx